I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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