even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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