We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
