Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
