i don't like sucking hair
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
