Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You made out with two different species that night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
