I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
