That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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