i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
