he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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