She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
