we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
