You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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