I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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