I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
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