it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
