VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
