grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
