I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
