I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
