CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
