I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
handjob tips. give me some.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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