i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
