my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
