so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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