Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
