only if we run a train.
done.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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