David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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