fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
