Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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