when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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