dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
