i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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