Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
