I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this boner is exhausting
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
