i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
