I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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