Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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