we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
