thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
