I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Even my vagina gasped.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
