sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
