i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
