I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
