Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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