omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We named our party play list daddy issues
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
