There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
