WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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