You kept calling me your small dog last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
