At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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