I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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